I learned while reading a book that scurvy unknits all your scars and opens all your wounds. You can't heal and you actively unheal, if that's a word. More of a concept, I guess.
And for someone like me, who's mostly made of scar tissue, that's terrifying.
Goddamn I wish I didn't feel like that right now. And I guess this is where I made a home for my crazy so I can put it somewhere, somewhere outside my head.
I'm having nightmares. I'm sad. I'm angry.
I'm so tired.
I feel like I'm unraveling.
I know I always can but my God I hope I remake myself out of sterner stuff this time around. Or maybe it's old poison coming out and things will be fine.
I'm too tired to know right now.
I deserve peace and hope. Maybe it is here and I'm just letting the reopening wounds scare me away. Maybe I'll heal right this time. Maybe I'll feel so stupid reading this in a year.
But for now I'm unraveling.
