What this blog started out as a was a mostly self righteous attempt at getting over a break up. Like all recently scorned and single people do, I imagined my ex reading some hiiiiiiiiiilariously phrased and unsueably veiled reference to an interaction between us and suddenly realising how wrong he was. Suddenly melting in the face of my ineffable wit and Becoming A Better Person. Then I could nod to myself and preen and be so damn proud of how inspiring I am.

Thankfully, all the blogs I would begin to write that were of that ilk never really got off the ground. Even better, it didn't take me that long to realise how much I didn't give a damn about what kind of person he does or doesn't become, it doesn't affect me any longer. Who he was to me is very different than who he is to me now and I can cherish those memories... even if I still randomly get the urge to cry in the shower or duct tape cold cuts to his bicycle, including on the spokes and handlebars.

And the reason I couldn't write anything like that is that, well, that's not who I am, regardless of anything that may've been said to me that inspired this level of neurosis and that unique desire of a dumped person for the satisfaction of knowing you'd put someone in their place, that you'd hurt them the way they hurt you. It's natural to want that but it will never be healthy to seek it out in a way that damages another person. And no matter how much I'm hurting and trying desperately to heal right now, I will never be that person.

Instead, what you're getting is very different. It's still very much the trials and tribulations of a single girl. But it's also about me, the ridiculous dichotomies in my head, the stupid ass situations I manage to faceplant into and how I'm learning to live with these things with some sort of grace... not a lot, mind you, but it's better than it was. And while believe me oh, believe me, there will be stories about dating and boys and all those silly men who done me wrong.... this isn't about that and I don't hate those people and I'm not doing this to hurt anyone's reputation or feelings. But it will be true, all of it. And God bless, it's my life.

So, thanks, Most Recent Ex.
I guess I can let stuff go after all.
(Whoops... you see? Told you it was just a work in progress.)